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Emotional Regulation & Self-Control: Supporting Kids Through Big Feelings


It’s 6:45 a.m. and the cereal spills all over the floor. In seconds, your child is shouting, crying, and refusing to get dressed. For you, it’s just a small mess. For your child, it feels like the end of the world.


This is where emotional regulation and self-control come in, two executive function skills that help us pause, calm down, and choose how to respond instead of reacting on impulse. For many kids with ADHD, these skills take extra time and support to develop.


What Is Emotional Regulation?

Emotional regulation is the ability to recognize, manage, and respond to feelings in a way that’s helpful (not harmful).


It doesn’t mean ignoring emotions or “stuffing them down.” Instead, it’s about noticing the feeling, calming the body, and making choices that keep the situation from spiraling.


Why Emotional Regulation Is Hard for Kids with ADHD

For kids with ADHD, emotions can feel bigger, louder, and harder to control than they do for other children. That’s because the same brain areas that handle focus and impulse control are also involved in regulating emotions.


When those systems are under strain, kids may:

  • Have big outbursts over small frustrations.

  • Get “stuck” in anger, sadness, or worry.

  • Struggle to calm down after becoming upset.

  • Seem overly sensitive to criticism or correction.


Signs of Emotional Regulation Challenges

You might notice your child:

  • Yells, cries, or slams doors over minor issues.

  • Has trouble recovering from disappointment.

  • Overreacts when told “no” or corrected.

  • Struggles to manage frustration during homework or chores.

  • Feels things intensely, both positive and negative.


Strategies to Support Emotional Regulation

Here are some parent- and teacher-friendly strategies that help kids build this skill:


1. Name It to Tame It

Help your child put words to what they feel. “You’re frustrated because the Lego tower fell” validates the feeling and makes it less overwhelming.


2. Model Calm Responses

Show them what staying calm looks like. Take a deep breath, lower your voice, and talk through your process: “I’m upset the milk spilled, but I’m going to grab a towel and clean it up.”


3. Teach Calming Tools

Practice deep breathing, muscle relaxation, or movement breaks when kids are calm, so they’ll know what to do when big feelings hit.


4. Create a Calm-Down Space

Designate a cozy spot with soft pillows, fidgets, or calming visuals where kids can go to regroup.


5. Practice Problem-Solving

After the storm passes, revisit the situation. Ask: “What could we try next time?” This builds reflection and resilience.


Resource Highlight: Emotional Regulation Toolkit

Want tools that support executive function skills in real life? This post is part of an Executive Function series. If you’re looking for hands-on supports you can start using today, the Social Emotional Story Bundle includes five themed books that each focus on a key emotional skill kids need for everyday success that help with emotional regulation, all in one place.



This post is part of the Executive Function series. Next, we’ll look at flexibility and problem-solving, helping kids pivot when plans change and bounce back from unexpected challenges.


Missed the previous blogs? Find them here:



 
 
 

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