top of page
Search

Flexibility & Problem-Solving: Helping Kids Pivot When Things Don’t Go as Planned


It’s Saturday morning and your child is excited for soccer practice. Cleats on, water bottle packed, ready to go. Then you get the email: practice is canceled due to rain.

Suddenly, your child is in tears, refusing to do anything else, maybe even yelling, “This day is ruined!”


What’s happening here? This is about cognitive flexibility, the ability to adjust when plans change and problem-solving, the skill of finding new options when things don’t go as expected. For many kids with ADHD, these two skills can be especially tough.


What Is Cognitive Flexibility?

Cognitive flexibility is the brain’s ability to shift gears. It’s what helps us move from one activity to another, change strategies when something isn’t working, and handle unexpected changes without melting down.


When kids struggle with flexibility, they can feel “stuck” emotionally and mentally. The disappointment of a canceled soccer practice doesn’t just feel frustrating; it feels unbearable.


Why Flexibility and Problem-Solving Are Hard for Kids with ADHD

Kids with ADHD often thrive on structure and predictability. Changes can feel like having the rug pulled out from under them. Combine that with big emotions and impulsivity, and it’s no wonder transitions or surprises can cause meltdowns.


Problem-solving can also be tricky because it requires:

  • Holding multiple ideas in mind (working memory).

  • Considering alternatives instead of reacting on impulse.

  • Managing frustration long enough to think things through.


Signs of Flexibility and Problem-Solving Challenges

You might notice your child:

  • Gets upset when routines or plans change.

  • Struggles to move on after disappointment.

  • Insists on doing things “one way only.”

  • Has a hard time coming up with solutions when stuck.

  • Melts down during transitions between activities.


Strategies to Build Flexibility and Problem-Solving

Here are some ways parents and teachers can support kids in developing these skills:


1. Preview Changes When Possible

Give your child advance notice if plans are shifting. Even a five-minute warning helps.


2. Play “What If” Games

Practice flexibility in low-stakes situations. Ask, “What if it rains during our picnic? What could we do instead?”


3. Model Flexible Thinking

When something doesn’t go your way, say out loud: “I really wanted coffee, but the shop is closed. I’ll try tea instead.”


4. Offer Limited Choices

When plans change, provide two alternatives. “Soccer’s canceled, but we could play a game at home or bake cookies. Which do you prefer?”


5. Teach Problem-Solving Steps

Guide your child through a simple process:

  1. What’s the problem?

  2. What are two possible solutions?

  3. Which one should we try first?

  4. How did it work?


6. Praise Flexibility

Catch your child adapting, even in small ways: “I noticed you stayed calm when we had to leave the park early. That was flexible thinking!”


Resource Highlight: ADHD Essentials Bundle

Want tools that support executive function skills in real life? This post is part of an Executive Function series. If you’re looking for hands-on supports you can start using today, the ADHD Essentials Bundle includes resources that help with planning, organization, emotional regulation, and focus all in one place.



Wrapping Up the Series

This post wraps up our 5-part Executive Function series! If you’ve been following along, we’ve covered:

  1. What Executive Function Is (and Why It Matters)

  2. Planning, Organization & Task Initiation

  3. Working Memory

  4. Emotional Regulation & Self-Control

  5. Flexibility & Problem-Solving


Together, these skills form the foundation for learning, independence, and confidence in kids with ADHD.


Find links to the full series here:


 
 
 

Comments

bottom of page